The fall of beauty (Tchaikovsky's Wife 2022)

The movie offers a deep study of the female character and her life, portraying her with a great deal of sympathy. But it also carries a disappointing tone of being an homosexual and its place in society. Being gay is almost depicted as something that prevents one from experiencing the true beauty of a woman. Is this the director's issue as well? He presents Antonina in such a beautifully crafted way-so fragile, yet so broken and sad-because she becomes part of a hostile environment. So much attention goes to her and so emotionally charged scenes depicted that only a deeply feeling person can truly process and bring to the screen. Yet the story is about a waste of all of that beauty filled with sadness and dissatisfaction.

Tchaikovsky used her to protect himself from accusations, and she used him to stay close to his talent, as she admitted it was difficult to be a female musician. There was something deeply sad about the fact that he couldn't satisfy her physical desires and suffered because of it. At the same time, she was too young, naive, and obsessed to accept a life without him.

A personal note: I didn't like seeing modern musicians in the movie. It made it feel less like a true work of art and more like a casual gathering, which ruined the atmosphere.

Financial sirens

Popular bloggers claim that in a world filled with increasing uncertainty, you shouldn’t chase your dreams. Among other things, they suggest being more practical and earning capital first. To do this, of course, you need to follow their channel. The advice is to live in the here and now, be highly productive, and set your dream aside for a while. It’s a very practical piece of advice, except for one “but”: our time and energy are not limitless. Mastering even one craft fully can take 5–6 years or even a lifetime. And what if the dream is blown away with the first gust of wind in the form of real action toward it, while the years have already passed?

Let me tell you the story of Tom Mueller, the son of a lumberjack. Against his parents’ wishes, he moved to Los Angeles to follow his inner calling—to become a rocket engineer. After gaining considerable experience at a boring corporation that supplied parts, Tom never gave up on pursuing something bigger. He built rocket miniatures and tested theories literally in his garage, along with other dreamers of great achievements.

At that time, Elon Musk was developing the idea of founding SpaceX, and by chance, he met Tom. He asked him just one question: “Can you build something bigger?” And so, in 2002, Tom became one of the founders of SpaceX. Would he have achieved this had he first created his own advertising business?

Whatever stage of life you are at, you need to remember that your true identity is more likely shaped through acts of self-assertion and self-discovery in the context of a continuous search for meaning and struggle. This phenomenological process of searching is not a simple path of the samurai, a process often perceived as going against the flow.

P.S. I don’t have all the answers, but I believe entrusting your fate and happiness to the hands of financial sirens is not the path that will help you find yourself or meet the people who are truly right for you.

The Killer movie review

 "To be or not to be, to be many or the few" - Fincher explores this question in his films. This time, using the charismatic figure of Fassbender, we delve into the thoughts and character of that one percent of lucky ones, free to decide their fate as they please. Yes, it's as if such killers stand above the entire world of ordinary and even ultra-rich people. As if the path to this percent lies precisely through murder. Such a decision, it turns out, defines a person's character. But what do we find? Most of the film we hear the inner monologue of a calculating killer, and there is not even a shadow of doubt in him: the question of "who lives and who dies" is resolved very simply. And even somewhat boringly, there is a mantra that the character repeats to himself over and over, as if convincing himself, killing everything human in himself. Calculation, cold calculation alone, guarantees you a place under the sun in this world. And if you need to knock off a couple of such scoundrels along the way, then it's just a question already resolved. The eternal dilemma for the average person turns out to be cowardice. How to get out into this very "few"? How to become a brave, daring person, and also deftly forge all these document manipulations? The film masterfully shows all these manipulations, so that the viewer gets true pleasure from the quality of the work done. No doubt about it: this is the only way not to become mediocrity. So what do we discover in the head of this person? Actually, nothing. No human qualities, not even an internal dilemma. Only once do we hear a voice, or rather, a timid little voice in the form of Tilda Swinton, suggesting that sometimes you can think about whether we are doing the right thing. And even such a figure the director twists mercilessly, dryly, without going into details. The film leaves the impression that the world is ruled only by the laws of force and nothing more. He who is stronger is right. Honestly, you expect a deeper analysis from the director of "Fight Club" and "Zodiac". What's the point of such a straightforward conclusion from a seasoned master of mysteries?"

📝 On the Benefits of Keeping a Journal 📝

The parents of the young Arthur Schopenhauer strongly encouraged him to keep a journal. It wasn’t that they wanted him to share his observations, but rather they saw it as a tool through which their son could improve his writing skills and develop good and clear handwriting.

I also came across an interesting quote from Parmenides. Socrates was advised to practice more in common reasoning before tackling anything substantial.

“[…] You prematurely, without properly exercising yourself, undertake to define what beauty, justice, goodness, and any other idea are. I noticed this the other day when I listened to your conversation here with Aristotle. Your zeal for reasoning, rest assured, is wonderful and divinely inspired, but while you’re still young, try to practice more in what the crowd considers and calls useless chatter: otherwise, the truth will slip away from you.”

No matter who you look at, all these people in one way or another kept journals, recorded observations and thoughts. Just for themselves. Even Dostoevsky:

So, here’s the kind of writing I’ve involved myself with. My situation is extremely uncertain. But I will also talk to myself and for my own pleasure in the form of this journal, and let whatever comes of it. What will I talk about? About everything that strikes me or makes me think. If I find a reader and, God forbid, an opponent, I understand that one must be able to converse and know with whom and how to speak. I will try to learn this, because in our literature, this is the most difficult thing.

Digital art

Digital art allows for the possibility of safe mistakes. You can always undo anything at any time with a simple Ctrl-Z. In life, as Stanley Donwood tells us, there is no room for such undos; nor should there be in digital art.

The digital world is atomic and clean; millions of cubes and donuts created in Blender are proof of that. In life, we organize primordial chaos, while in the digital realm, we introduce disorder and leave room for randomness.

I would tell my younger self: “Don’t pay attention. They (art institutions) are just parasites on the beautiful flesh of art, not its keepers. No one can shackle art.”

Alexander Rostov — art director of Disco Elysium.

Art is his too.

Canada life

 🚽 Off-topic about life in Canada 🚽

💼 For the past four months, I’ve been battling with the Canadian tax authorities. Here’s how it works: at first, they trust you and give you the tax refund you request. But a year later, you randomly get a notification to confirm all your income sources and other documents. But I’m the kind of person who doesn’t bother with keeping documents and paperwork – that’s all worldly stuff, not for artists. But here, it was a matter of life and death. I found out about my debt completely by accident, and every week it grew by a certain percentage just for non-payment. 🫶

Of course, I didn’t have the paperwork to prove anything, and I had already moved to a different city. The only way to communicate with all the authorities was through email.

Collecting everything took four months, and every time I sent documents, they asked for new ones. They even asked me to draw a plan of the room where I lived and calculate the area designated for work! 🍸 Throughout the process, all the tax office employees were extremely cold and soulless. Every call with them was a reason to feel disappointed in the world. 👋

The worst part was dealing with the internet company. It turns out they don’t keep information for more than a year. They archive it and, if needed, only send it by mail to the address where the service was provided, and each page costs $10. It felt like I’d gone back 30 years in time.

I had to track down who is renting my old apartment now and ask them to forward me those documents. Luckily, they were really nice people and sent them to me for free. Only now has Canada decided that I wasn’t lying and that my taxes were indeed calculated correctly. This process even frustrated my tax accountant 🚽.

History repeats itself in memes

 Next up a loose translation of Pascal’s thoughts:

Ordinary people judge things correctly because they remain in a natural state of ignorance, which is appropriate for a human being. Knowledge has two extremes, and these extremes converge: one is the complete natural ignorance with which a person is born; the other is the point at which great minds, having encompassed all knowledge accessible to humanity, discover that they know nothing, and return to the very ignorance from which they began their journey; but this is a conscious, enlightened ignorance. Those in between these two extremes, who have lost their natural ignorance but have not gained the other, amuse themselves with scraps of superficial knowledge and pretend to be wise. These are the ones who mislead others and make false judgments about everything.

Ordinary people and wise men sustain the flow of life; these others despise it, and are despised in return. They judge all things falsely, while the rest judge correctly.

Thoughts (1657) - Blaise Pascal